Alex Reynard
The Library
Alex Reynard's Online Books
At the lip of Coryza, a wrench appeared.
It popped up like a prairie dog, then vanished back down. A few seconds later it reappeared again, making it all the way over and landing with a CLANG. The jaws scrabbled to find anything to clamp onto. They chanced upon a rivet big enough to grip.
A moment later, the wrench's twin appeared, followed by a pleasantly stunned canine wearing a skunk for a backpack. "Say hey! We did it! Just about knocked our heads off on that first throw, but here we are! Top floor!"
Junella swung herself up and off him with a ballerina's grace. Her landing didn't make a sound. She tipped him a "C'mon," and headed towards the center.
Very few souls in Phobiopolis had ever seen, much less set foot upon, the summit of Coryza. From this vantage, the city was a monolithic grey plateau. A circular mesa with the seams of its panels converging in the middle. Junella thought of a sliced birthday cake. She also appreciated how small her imagination of this moment had been. From ground level, there was no way to see across the city from one edge to the other. The buildings were too densely clustered. But up here, Coryza's vast diameter was humbling. Like the dark side of the moon. And while thousands below slept or fought or watched TV, she and Zinc were the only living souls inhabiting this hidden world. They had it all to themselves.
What a view. Junella looked upward and felt chills running down her arms. Not just from the midnight breeze, but the nearness of the stars. She was seeing them as if they'd appeared only now, just for her. The living constellations in the Veil Of Tears sedately strolled across their limitless dark territory. An inverted ocean. The blue-white lights of their bodies sparkled. They looked as if they'd found a paradise free from worry. And from so high above, it was easy to forget, for a moment, about the rest of the cruel and violent world below. Past the great disc of the city, the only other bit of Phobiopolis Junella could see was the distant pointing peak of Anasarca, always on the horizon.
She wrapped her arms gently around herself. 'Maybe I'll make it there someday too.'
By now Zinc had struggled his way up onto the surface. He spent a few minutes agape as well, then remembered that one of his arms was still basically a giant fishing line. He chewed off the knot, mounted his wrench, gave it a flex, and nodded approval. Back to normal.
Approaching the shadowed skunk from behind, he could see she was having a quiet moment. Maybe even a profound one. He didn't want to intrude, but was awfully curious why they were up here. He coughed very lightly. "Erm... Here's your rope back?"
She accepted it with a nod of thanks. She didn't seem perturbed at all. His presence was not unwelcome. Junella turned her gaze back to the stars.
Zinc shuffled up beside her and looked at them too. The night air was slightly chilly, but after their breakneck escape, it felt kinda nice. And the metal had a dim rusty odor that reminded him of the ocean. "So, ah, what part of the plan is this?"
She smirked, then bopped him gently on the shoulder and took off in a frisky run.
It was clear she wanted him to follow, so he did.
Her heart wanted to sprint all the way to the middle. Lie down on her back right above the capitol dome. Perched just right to drop in on Tessie first thing in the morning. 'And probably piss Angelbull off real good having to scrape us off the skylight,' she thought with a chortle. But the center was a long way off, and she was already feeling tired. So she gauged about where she thought the Tatterdemalion was, and settled down beside one of the canyon-sized seams between panels. Plenty of room to dangle her legs down into it, but not so much there was any fear of falling in. When Zinc's footfalls came close, she patted the space beside her.
He plonked himself down, puffing a bit.
She reclined with her tail as a pillow, so she could keep on letting the stars take her troubles away.
The canine got his breathing slowed down. In a straight run, she was a lot faster than him. Probably because she wasn't lugging a couple hundred pounds of steel everywhere. He noticed her supine position and mirrored it. He rested a wrench across his tummy and crossed one leg over the other. "You wanna maybe finally tell me what the hell we're doing up here?" he pled.
She giggled. "We're unwinding, Zinc. Don't you think we've earned it? And can you think of a nicer place to spend the night?"
He let go of the tension in his posture. "Okay. Cool. I'm not the type to ever say no to R&R. Of course, you realize we're gonna fall a couple hunnert feet to the asphalt at daybreak, right?"
She shrugged. "Lookit this view and tell me it isn't worth it."
For the first time, he really noticed the constellations amongst the starfield. He felt goosebumps on his neck. "A very good point," he replied soberly. "And hey, we might get lucky. Just land on a rooftop: no harm done."
"We might."
They were quiet for several moments then. Junella hadn't managed to entirely relax yet. Some whirring cells in the back of her mind refused to believe this night of crescendoing mayhem had finally reached its fade. 'But it has,' she reassured herself. The mission was done. They'd made it out alive. The hard part was over.
But she couldn't stop a troubled frown from coming to her lips at realizing what the end of this mission also meant. She glanced over to Zinc.
He was lost in the stars, not noticing her thoughts at all.
She feigned a smile. "Hey, mutt... Now that it's all over, what do you think you'll wanna do tomorrow? Same old same old?"
He shook his head straightaway. "The way I figure it is, both of us are gonna get filthy stinking famous pretty quick. Maybe even before lunchtime. Lady Crynight's gonna wanna see us. Probly reporters too. We'll get our pitchers taken about a hundred thousand times." He grinned. "And then the cash is gonna start rollin' in."
"Oh." She was surprised that was the first thing on his mind. "What do you think you'll spend it on?"
Still gazing upward, he tapped his foot on the air as he talked. "Nothin' fancy. First thing, I'm gonna get myself chromed. Head to toe. Till I'm dazzling like liquid moonlight. Then I'm gonna yank all my teeth out and replace 'em with diamonds."
She was shocked. He didn't seem like the type to care about such ostentatious- 'Wait.' He was screwing with her, wasn't he?
Zinc kept up a flawless poker face as he continued. "Then I'm gonna buy up all the cars in the world. Not one of each, mind you. All of 'em. Drive a different one every hour. After that, the next logical step is my own private island."
"Naturally." She tried not to smile.
"I'm thinkin' a flying one. 'Bout three times the size of Coryza. Coast around the clouds all day. Park it on the moon at night. Import the Taj Mahal for my livingroom. Get indoor waterfalls to piss in and a fridge in every corner. Have a swimming pool fulla imaginite, and a mountain of it in the backyard that I can climb to the top of every morning and eat breakfast."
"And what'll be for breakfast?" she asked, voice cracking a little.
No change at all in his nonchalant tone. "Waffles."
That slayed her for some reason. She doubled over, giggling helplessly into her hands.
He glanced at her, and smiled broadly at finally seeing her laugh. Not a sardonic little chuckle, but the way a kid laughs. Loose and free.
"So what're you gonna do tomorrow?" he eventually asked.
Junella wiped tears from her eyes. "You almost killed me there, mutt. I thought my ribs were gonna bust." She sighed happily. She had literally forgotten how good a solid laugh could feel. "And to be perfectly honest, I don't have a god damn idea anymore. I'm sure you're right about us gettin' all famous, but as for how I'm gonna make use of it? Not a clue. I been a loser so long, I don't really know what to do with myself when I win."
His smile slipped away instantly at hearing that. He thought for a bit, then rolled over on his side to face her. "You ever notice you really don't like yourself much?"
She turned and gawked at him. Speechless. That felt like it had come out of nowhere. "W-what!? The hell are you talking about?"
He frowned. "Don't play dumb."
She felt a flare of anger at him. She pouted and snorted. "I just don't bullshit myself, is all. I acknowledge where I need to do better. Like tonight. I was just thinking a moment ago that I can't all-the-way believe we actually pulled it off. And that's mostly because, the more I look back on it, YOU were the one that did all the work! What did I do? Mouth off a lot? Get in a fight with that rabbit, take it too far, and get us caught? I went toe to toe with Sulilong, but you were the one who took him out. You drove the car. You got all big 'n hairy 'n grody to wipe out the mooks. I repeat: what the hell did I contribute!?"
Her outburst didn't put a single ripple in his expression. Zinc looked directly in her eyes, sternly. "For one, you're not responsible for bad luck. So don't make yourself be. And for two, none a' that stuff I did would've happened if you hadn't given me the ideas."
She got quiet.
"Nothing would've fuckin' happened tonight without you. You took big risks. Some of 'em panned out. Some of 'em didn't. But you kept fighting back when it got bad. And every time I didn't know what the hell to do next, you had an answer for me-" he clinked his wrenches "-that quick. So don't tell me you did nothing."
Zinc looked at her with a seriousness she hadn't expected he was capable of. "You're a good leader."
Junella felt like he'd just knocked all the wind out of her. She stared at him, absolutely dumbstruck. Completely in disbelief at what she'd just heard. "You... really mean that?"
He looked away, down at where he was scraping some rust away from the metal. "Yeah. And don't try to deny it or I'll slug ya," he muttered.
Junella put a hand to her heart. She was tingling. "I know it's a helluva lame cliché to say, 'That's the nicest thing anyone's ever told me'. But... it is. Thank you."
He nodded.
"What brought that out?"
The canine chewed his lip a little. He hesitated to reply, and when he did, she heard a trace of bitterness. "I jus' don't like seeing people treat themselves bad, that's all."
The night wind rustled between them. Junella thought she understood what his words hadn't said. "Thank you again. And I meant what I said. You were phenomenal. I wish you coulda seen the look on Sulilong's face when you snatched his attic."
That broke up the somber mood. Zinc couldn't keep a grin from his muzzle. "Yeh. I bet it was priceless. And like I was saying about not gettin' too down on yourself, you musta done something right to get him so righteously steamed that he didn't even hear my twelve-foot, two-ton, Frankenwolf ass sneakin' up on him."
She hissed a laugh. "That I did! If there's one thing I'm an artíste at, it's makin' people mad." She lit up with evil glee. "Did I tell you I sprayed him in the face?"
"For real!?"
"Like a firehose! Genuine undertail vintage! The sonofabitch was down for the count, and only got himself back to fightin' by suiciding."
Zinc 'tut-tut'ed at that unfortunate turnaround, but greatly appreciated the visual of the mustachioed dictator yowling and holding his nose. "Y'know, I did actually notice you smelled a little... skunkier. I wasn't gonna say nothing though."
She pointed a finger in his face. "You better not. I've heard all the jokes before and if I hear any again I'll castrate you with a Coke bottle."
He bit his lip. His cheeks puffed up and got red. He tried intensely hard to keep the smile off his face.
"You're thinking 'em!!" She poked him all over with her fingerneedles in a merciless tickle attack.
They chortled like idiots for a minute or so, with Junella jabbing at his weak spots and Zinc trying to block her lightning-quick hands with his wrenches. Soon they were both rolling over on their backs, exhausted.
Zinc puffed out a huge exhale and a string of uncontrolled 'tee hee's.
Junella felt her sides ache with every giggly aftershock. But she liked the feeling. She'd been away from it too long. Abruptly, she remembered something she'd decided earlier, when she was renegotiating her fee with Lady Crynight. She sat up straight. "Hey, Zinc?"
He tried to reply, but couldn't manage anything but snickers.
She gave him a last poke. "Let's get serious again. Only for a bit though, I promise."
It took a few deep breaths to get himself under control. Then he sat up too and tried to present a calm, professional demeanor.
She jostled his leg. "You make me grin too much, mutt. However..." she looked down at her lap, pushing away the tiny greedy part of herself rebelling at the idea, "seeing as you saved my life about eighteen zillion times tonight, there's something I have to give you. I'm honor bound."
He arched an eyebrow.
The skunk shook her head. "When Tessie pays us tomorrow..." She sighed. "...You get half."
He chuckled. As if he'd ever cared about that in the first place. "That's awful generous. But tell ya what, I got a better deal in mind."
She cocked an ear. "Hm?"
"Don't split it at all," he suggested serenely.
She did a double take. "You mean... I keep everything!?"
His grin expressed a great many things. "No. I mean, we keep everything."
Junella went still as a statue. Then shivered head to toe, as she was hit with a wave of intense emotion. Suddenly realizing just how much she'd wanted him to say that, without having dared to consider the possibility herself. She actually felt a tear come to her eye. "You... and me?" Her pessimism tried to ruin the moment by insisting he couldn't be serious. "Tell me you're not just tryna flirt your way into the sack or something."
He shook his head, though the idea was not unpleasant. "I was thinkin' more like, we took down one evil asshole tonight. Why not go rustle up another?"
She blinked.
"Might be a steady line of work for us. Get a roof over our head. With our names painted on the door, like in them detective movies."
Her eyes widened. A world of possibilities spread open before her like a beautiful rainbow of violence and assassinations. But then she looked back at herself. At her black vinyl grooves and record shard tail.
She chuckled awkwardly. "You can actually stand being around me?"
Zinc smiled easily. "Funny, I was just about to say the same thing."
She turned to look at him then, and had never felt so vulnerable. But she didn't see a single hint of insincerity in his eyes. No intent to backstab. Just a genuinely fun knucklehead in jeans and a leather jacket, with wrenches for arms and half his head missing. And that damn charming, goofy-ass grin of his.
Zinc leaned closer. "How about it? Pilot and co-pilot?"
"More like witch and familiar," she teased.
He took it in stride. "That's fine too. I've always been a hepcat. I could learn to ride a broom."
That was an amusing mental image. She chuckled again and shook her head. Hesitantly, she reached a vinyl paw towards him. "I hope you know what this means, mutt." Her song was thin, nearly a whisper. "I can't guarantee I won't be a pain to you sometimes."
He just shrugged, as if to say, 'Can anyone make such a promise?'
She looked at his wrench as he lifted it towards her. She draped her fingers across it, noticing for the first time all the microscopic pits and scratches it had accumulated over the years. And that it was actually a little bit warm, unlike the metal they were sitting on.
She had a feeling this would be a night she'd look back on in the future. The moment when her old life died and a new one began.
"I think I'd like to spend tomorrow with you, partner," she sang.
She slipped her hand into his, and they shook on the deal.
Zinc's eyes lit up like Christmas morning. He suddenly slammed her arm sideways, touching it to the metal. "HA! Finally got you back for last night!"
Her jaw dropped at realizing what he'd just done. "Oh, you bastard!!"
Delighted by his wicked streak, she fell on top of him in a hug. And they laughed.
THE END
for now...
Alex Reynard's
~~P~H~O~B~I~O~P~O~L~I~S~~
Killing Machines
Featuring, our cast, in order of appearance:
Junella Brox – Cree Summer
Zinc – Christian Slater
Mia Xenoiko – Youki Kudoh
Eagsyne – Dave Thomas
Sgt. Angelbull – Michael Dorn
Deputy Mayor Tesseract "Tessie" Crynight – Annie Potts
Bungalow Doodaddy – Garret Morris
Conrad Glen – Gaten Matarazzo
Jaziezal – Pink Guy
Sulilong – Russel Wong
the tortoise – Sam Elliott
Nollacero – Bill Skarsgård
~***~
-SOUNDTRACK-
Tom Waits – Ice Cream Man (Ceno Limit Remix) [Skid Row]
Duane Eddy – 40 Miles Of Bad Road [Good Morning]
liltommyj – Enraptured (Bioshock Remix) [Downtown Coryza]
Brook Benton – Hotel Happiness (JPOD Remix) [The CTR]
Hanggai – The Rising Sun [Sulilong's Entrance]
Gramatik – Damage Intended [Driving Off]
Chinese Man – Step Back [Palace Ballroom]
Cranky – Libera Me [Nollacero Fight]
Slacktone – Coffin Closer [The Drink]
Chris Barker – Gremlins Theme Guitar Cover [Berzink]
Chinese Man & Tha Trickaz – Operaz [Vs. Sulilong]
Dick Dale – Nitro [DRIVE!!!]
ProleteR – The Missing Piece [Moonset]
Jack White & Alicia Keys – Another Way To Die [End Credits]
~***~
SINCERE GRATITUDE TO MY PATRONS OF UNPARALLELED GOOD TASTE
Robert Darling
Chris
Pseudos Muhthotohsin
Vanyel Stargazer
Angelwuff
Sen Grisane
Shadow Panther
Relee Squirrel
Trashycoon
D Kenmason
~***~
GOLD-PLATED EXECUTIVE-LEVEL DOUBLE CHOCOLATE THANKS TO MY PROOFREADING TEAM
Alfador Fox: Master of typos
Kanada: Master of art
Relee Squirrel: Master of continuity
Robby Rourke: Master of voice
Zephon Fox: Master of theming
~***~
Particular thanks go to Kanada for the idea of the Happiness Hotel
and to Kalloon White, for putting Conrad in my head.
Lastly, very special thanks are due to Grace Jones,
because I'm damn sure her character in Conan The Destroyer
planed a little seed of Junella Brox in my mind.
~***~
I like me better when I'm with you.
-Lauv, "I Like Me Better"