Alex Reynard
The Library
Alex Reynard's Online Books
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
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Voices wafted down to him upon the night air, along with delicious smells and the crackling of a fire.
Toby approached the ring of bushes cautiously, holding Doll's hand tight. He didn't want to be spotted just yet. And it was probably a good idea to first confirm it actually was Zinc, Junella, and George. It was highly unlikely they'd been waylaid by Fearsleigher-stealing bandits, but not impossible. Or this could be just another illusion. He imagined walking towards them, paw outstretched for a shake, and all of them vanishing like TV static. It was certainly the kind of cruel mind game this land was capable of.
It did sound like their voices though. And they'd knocked all the dents out of the skate car so it looked junkyard-fresh again.
Toby stopped a few yards away. He held Doll in front of him and whispered. "I don't know how they're going to react when they see you. Probably the same as I did. So, just to hold off any panicking or attacking, I'll set you down here for now. Watch and listen. I'll introduce you, okay?
Doll's faceless face gave no answer, but when he set her softly in the grass and looked ahead, he felt her write 'O-K' on his ankle.
"Okay," he confirmed.
Toby crept stealthily towards the bushes. The campfire clicked and popped. Whatever they were eating smelled incredible. The kind of rich, meaty, char-coated food he'd been banned from for years. Toby had been five or younger the last time he'd eaten anything that was cooked outdoors. Dad bought a grill, but had fought about it with Mom when she'd said it would give Toby cancer.
He was close enough to see two brown triangle ears poking up beyond the foliage.
"Took you less time than I expected."
Toby flinched in surprise. "You heard me?" he squeaked.
"You end up dead out here if you don't get good at listening. Come out into the light," Junella sang in a measured tone. She sounded a lot calmer now. Possibly ready to smooth things over.
That was good. Very good. Toby had been worried she wouldn't want to see so much as a whisker from him ever again. He found a place where the branches weren't too thick and attempted to ungracefully wriggle his way through.
George was lying down on the opposite side of the campfire with his hooves tucked beneath him. His head popped up and his aura shone brighter when he saw white fur and pink eyes. "Sire Toby!! My heart leaps with relief to see you unscathed!"
"Hi, George!" Toby called out as he tried to get the branches to let go of his pajama leg. He looked around and saw Zinc and Junella sitting together on a fat hollow log, eating meat off paper plates. He said hi to both of them.
"Hey, bean!" Zinc replied, tipping his plastic fork at the mouse. "Bet you're in the mood to sit down with some chow."
Junella nodded in a, 'Let's all be polite to each other until we get this settled,' kind of way.
"I'm really glad to be out of there," Toby said as he walked closer. "And I'm just as glad to see all of you guys. Thanks for, y'know, being willing to speak to me again. I was being childish when I stomped off like that." He took in a deep sniff. "What are you guys cooking? It smells amazing!" He squinted past the flickering flame and saw something on a spit. It had an exoskeleton. It looked like maybe they'd caught one of those big bug people. Ugh. Well, he wouldn't be having any of that. The creature's head was beside it, impaled on a wooden pole set in the ground. It had big red eyes and...
Toby felt time stop. Reality melted.
His eyes were locked on the sight before him. His brain was short-circuiting from the overload of impossibility, disgust, sorrow, outrage, and disbelief.
Those bulging ruby-red eyes.
Buck teeth.
That little pink nose.
There was no one else it could possibly be.
"YOU'RE EATING PIFFLE!!!" he screamed.
At that, a second hamster head popped up beside the impaled one. "Hiya, Toby!"
Sounds fell out of the mouse's mouth that were nowhere near language. Eyes bulging, he backed away from a sight he could not hope to make sense of. Panic stiffened his joints and electrified his guts.
Zinc stood up. "Cool your jets, pal! Chill for a sec!"
Toby pointed and gibbered. "That's her corpse!! You're eating my friend! You killed and ate my friend!!"
Junella tried not to, but she couldn't hold back a bray of laughter.
Toby reflexively pointed his hammer at her, eyes reflecting orange in the firelight. His voice was an unearthly snarl, "DON'T YOU START THAT AGAIN!!"
The skunk stood up too, holding her hands out in surrender. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay! I'm not laughing to be cruel! I just can't believe it's possible!"
"What's not possible!?" Toby shrieked. He looked back and forth at the two murderers, their plates full of flesh, and the impaled head of his long-lost companion. "Nothing about any of this is possible!"
"THERE IS NO PERMANENT DEATH HERE!!!" Junella unleashed in a heavy metal screech. "She's fine! She flew in and offered herself up the second we said we were hungry! You've died yourself at least twice! I saw it! First at our place when Tinder torched you, then after we went over the falls. I saw your guts wallpapering the interior! Then you got up all gobsmacked to see we'd survived! It was so ridiculous, how could I not laugh?"
Toby felt his mind turn to mush. His hands and knees were trembling. He shook his head as if he could shoo her words away. For the second time today she was saying something completely impossible. But was it? He scanned back in his memory. He remembered the agony of fire shredding through his skin. Then waking up unsinged, even his clothes. He remembered blanking out as they tumbled down the cascading water. Then... No. No, it couldn't... He could feel his brain trying to keep himself from remembering. But did he? Did he remember his blood painting the floor and ceiling of the car? And then the scarlet droplets slowly crawling back towards him? Did he remember his hands pulling themselves over to reconnect to his wrists?
'Hey Toby,' his brain asked him, 'How did you escape being eaten by the octospider?'
He felt his blood turn to cold slime.
'You didn't, did you?'
Zinc and Junella watched all the worst emotions race each other across their client's face. And then the poor mouse simply crumpled and fell over onto the grass.
Zinc stepped forward in concern. "Did he faint?"
"No..." Toby rasped. "Just..." His arms trembled as they tried to lift him. The word 'overwhelmed' was clear as day across his face. "I couldn't take it."
And then Piffle was walking over to tenderly help him up. Alive, altogether, and smiling. Her soft, gentle paw held his as she guided him to his feet. She put her arms around his shoulders to comfort him.
He looked into her face and saw that sky-wide smile of hers.
If his consciousness had been an audience, there would have been a few jeerers in the back demanding to know how she was here and not a mindwiped drone in Dr. Dacryphilia's hellish factory. Others were bent backwards over their seats in grief at remembering, yet again, how he'd run away and left her there. But most of Toby's inner selves were simply cheering in explosive joy to see her happy and whole once more.
The mouse's poor heart had never spun through so many intense, conflicting emotions in so short a time. But he was glad they'd settled on one: an all-encompassing blanket of relief. Without an atom of reluctance, he hugged her. His eyes glistened with tears. At that moment, all worries, questions, and self-loathing vaporized. He simply thanked the universe for this chance to share with the kindhearted hamsterfly what he hadn't had the courage to give her before. He held her tighter. No hug was ever so sweet.
He rested his chin on her shoulder, feeling the fabric rustle. Feeling her ribby exoskeleton. Feeling the cotton-ball softness of her cheek. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I left you there. I'm so sorry. I wish I could have been stronger. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
Piffle's smile outshone the moon. "It's okay, Toby. Don't get your socks in a knot. I forgive you."
He sobbed hard enough to hurt. "I don't deserve it, but thank you. I had a feeling you would."
Even two such hardened mercenaries as Junella Brox and Zinc felt their hearts lighten a little at seeing the reunion. The canine sent a smile to his partner. "Guess she was telling the truth about knowing him," he whispered.
Even that small sound brought Toby back to reality. He felt like a drained battery. Like he'd just run a mile uphill. He saw his worn-out expression reflected dozens of times in Piffle's beautiful scarlet eyes.
She chuckled. "You look tired, Toby."
He laughed too, at the sheer understatement.
"I concur," George Atkinson said as he stepped closer. He nudged Toby affectionately with the bridge of his nose. "Allow me to provide a resting place for you." He laid down again, stoked the campfire with a breath, and presented his ribcage as a cushion.
Toby was more than happy to sit after spending so long on his feet. He plopped down with a grunt of satisfaction (not realizing just how sore his feet were until then) and settled in against his favorite nightmare's luminous bones. He reached up and patted George's neck. "Thank you," he said softly.
"It is my pleasure, Sire."
Piffle's sailor suit fluttered as she folded her wings behind her and sat beside Toby, taking his paw in hers. His happiness at seeing her again was mirrored in her own expression.
"Sorry to butt in, but... I think we need to talk," Junella interjected.
Toby looked to her solemnly. "I very much agree." He knew this part would be difficult, but he hated the thought of the two of them being enemies, nearly as much as he hated the immature outburst he'd pulled. Plus, talking would lead to explanations, and there was so much he needed explained to him right now.
The vinyl skunk sat back down on her log, elbows on knees, fingers steepled. The campfire reflected in shiny orange streaks across her ebon skin. She opened her mouth to begin, then glanced down and noticed the end of her scarf was in her plate of Piffle. "Shoot."
Zinc chortled.
"Could we, um..." Toby pointed to their uneaten portions of the furson sitting next to him. "Could we explain that first? Real quickly? Get it out of the way so I don't throw up?"
Piffle giggled into her paws. "You really didn't know you can't die here?" she asked. "I'd been wondering why you got all quiet when that nasty arachnopus was eating you up!"
Toby felt his throat close up. "It really... ate...?"
"Really!" Piffle confirmed. "He nibbled us both like corn on the cob and turned us into doodoo! Then afterwards, you didn't say a word. I'm sorry for not explaining then, but I figgered you didn't wanna ruminate much on it."
He squeezed her paw to let her know it was okay. "Then explain now. Please."
"I think I should," Zinc spoke up. "I'm the one who oughtta be apologizing. Remember when Tinder baked us both? That legit happened. His touch can torch whole buildings normally, so we were like s'mores to him. I was mostly back when I saw you get lit up. You were nothin' but a sizzly skeleton. Normally, people here scream a lot till they get themselves resettled. You? Nothin'. You were a plank till your flesh redrew and your eyes opened."
Toby winced at the mental image.
"I should have said something then. Should've said, 'That's not normal.' But part of me couldn't believe you'd go so far into denial you'd skip it entirely! I told Juney 'bout it later in the store. Then later, after the waterfall, same damn thing! Right after we went over, your scream just suddenly stopped. I looked at the rear-view 'n saw you knocked out cold. I guess your brain just ran away from it. Then we crashed and went splat. Next thing I know you're bouncin' around yelling, 'I'm alive! I'm alive!' Weirdsville!"
Toby rubbed the fur on the back of his neck. "I..." He felt both acute embarrassment and a species of abject hollowness. Like the instant after a trap door opens, but right before the drop. "My worst fear. I spent so much time here trying not to die. I feared it so much, I was nothing but fear. And now I'm learning that... I failed at even that. I died three times. Maybe even more! I don't know! I guess I couldn't face it."
Piffle reached over to give him a backrub.
Seeing the pain on Toby's face made Junella shrivel inside. She saw his eyes red and ringed from stress. "You were right," she whispered, barely audible over the fire. "I was a bully to laugh at you."
He looked up at her. She was hiding her face behind a paw. "I almost don't blame you. I must have looked like a humongous dork."
"No excuse. I was a bully. I saw weakness in you and it pissed me off. I was picturing all the ways you'd get in my hair on this trip. It was like I was punishing you for what I knew you were gonna do down the line. I'm sorry. That ain't professional, and it ain't defensible."
He nodded. "Apology accepted."
She chewed her lip. "But I wasn't lying about Munchau-"
Toby held a hand up to stop her in her tracks. He shut his eyes tight. "I can't. No. Not now. I can't yet." His voice was firm as concrete.
Junella looked him over and decided to let it slide. She could tell the little runt was already doing his best to face a plethora of ugly facts. She could allow him time to come to terms with this particular one.
"We were supposed to be talking about Piffle anyway. And why you were eating her," Toby reminded them. It was rather obvious to everyone how much he wanted the subject changed.
Junella chuckled. "Okay, but lemme fill in some backstory first." She hooked a thumb at the Fearsleigher. "After we got that bad bitch back in shape, I told Zinc we were going straight home. You can thank him for the fact that we're here. I wanted to give up on you," she flatly admitted.
Zinc tossed Toby a 'You're welcome' grin.
"I wanted to go back home and let the world kick your ass for a while. Knock some balls into ya. Then maybe a few years later you'd crawl back, a little less of a pasty-faced wimp, and we could try heading up the mountain again." Her expression said she meant no offense; she was simply being honest about her feelings in the moment.
The mouse blushed. "I can't say I blame you."
"But," the skunk went on, "my partner saw you walking off the wrong way down the trap and said, 'Let's give him a chance. Let's camp here tonight and see if he gets out on his own.' And you actually did. I gotta say, I'm impressed. Credit where credit's due. I didn't expect you to get out at all. Or maybe you'd come crawling up here sometime next morning. Instead, I'd barely settled my ass down to dinner and here you are."
Toby leaned back against George with his hands behind his head. "I know I'm a scaredy-cat, but I like to think I'm not dumb. Once I realized it was all a big mirror, I just looked around till I found the edge. Then I chucked a big ol' paint can at the moon to knock the wall over." He smiled with a trace of smugness at his clever solution.
Junella and Zinc gawked at him like he'd just solved the unified field equation with a handful of rubber bands and a dead opossum.
"...What?" said the mouse innocently.
Junella was barely concealing her disbelief. "You swung a paint can... at the damn moon... and that's how you got out?"
He blinked. "Is that not how you're supposed to? I thought it was kinda nuts but it seemed obvious in hindsight."
The skunk and canine looked at each other and held a whole conversation with just their bulging eyes and dropped jaws. "Kid, we are gonna have to spend some serious time discussing just how fuckin' weird that is."
Toby shrugged. "It worked."
"...And I think I've got an idea why," Zinc mused. "But you asked about this little madm'wazelle here and how she came to be on our menu." He turned his charm towards Piffle and she tittered bashfully. "Like Junebug said, I put my foot down and told her we were stickin' around to give you a chance. She had a point about you needing to toughen up a skosh, but I don't think I'd sleep so well knowing I left a client to wander alone in the wilderness just because of a stupid fight." He timed the word 'stupid' so he was looking directly at his partner when he said it.
She accepted the rebuke coolly. "Our reputation would never recover if you'd told anyone we ditched you over something so petty."
"I wouldn't do that to you," Toby said sincerely. "It was as much my fault as yours."
Junella gave him a surprisingly warm smile. And did her cheeks turn a bit red from shame? "That was the other thing that convinced me. That integrity of yours. The last thing I expected was you living up to your half of the bargain. I thought you were gonna take off on your horse and leave us out in nature's asshole. But you didn't. I was too pissed at the time to admit it, but... no one with that kind of honor is as hopeless as I'd thought of you."
The fire muttered by itself for a few moments as Toby took in the fact that she'd actually complimented him. "...Thank you. I guess I don't usually think of myself as having much honor."
"I've been screwed over by people who I thought had it but didn't," she warbled almost wistfully. "You were a pleasant surprise."
Toby smiled, but Zinc cleared his throat. "I was telling a story," he reminded them both.
"Sorry. Keep going," Toby said.
George craned his neck to nibble another portion of roast hamsterfly.
Zinc tried to remember where he left off. "Allright. So you bugged off down the road leaving us standing there like a coupla maroons. I coaxed my dear skunkfemme to listen to reason, then we spent a while hammering the car back to normal, and then we picked out a spot where we thought you might spot us. We'd just set up shop when I heard this buzzin' sound coming in over the horizon. 'Air raid!', I thought. But no, this li'l slice of cutecake drops in Heaven and asks us if we've seen a certain white mouse named Toby. We said we were waitin' on him ourselves and to pull up a log. Then my stomach rumbles, and before I can even look in the supplies, this generous li'l peach offers herself up."
Toby looked at Piffle. "That still seems like an unnecessary extreme."
"I enjoy being useful," she told him with complete sincerity.
Zinc picked up his plate and took another bite of her savory abdomen. His tail wagged hard. "I can't get enough of this! It's like veal and lobster at the same time!"
Piffle beamed to see Zinc enjoying her so much. Her wings fluttered happily.
Toby grimaced. "I can understand wanting to be helpful, but wanting to be food?"
She shrugged. "Why not? I know I can't die. And Zinc was very gentlemanly about doing me in."
"Your head was on a stick!!" he bleated.
"We got... carried away," Junella admitted.
Toby wrung his tail in his paws. "I can't fathom how you can be so casual about this. Or, heck, maybe I can. Maybe things like this happen so often in Phobiopolis, you get desensitized."
"Pretty much," Zinc said with his mouth full. "You can only see your crimson ink 'n insides so often 'fore it starts getting boring."
"So... What does this mean? Nothing can hurt me, ever?" Toby asked all of them. "I'm guessing that's not quite right, since you two seem to take a lot of precautions against... something."
"The phrase, 'a fate worse than death' ain't just some pulp cliché here," Zinc said darkly.
Junella nodded. "Death can be a mercy at times."
"Remember what I said about how some places get you lost?" Zinc went on. "'Lost' has a lot of meanings. Trapped. Transformed. Stuck. Mindwiped. Death is nothin', comparatively. The rule is: when you die, even if your body turns to cinders, you'll pop back to normal in a few moments. Either you'll heal back, or just pop into a new you. Sometimes it's random, sometimes you can choose. Sometimes you'll leave a corpse, sometimes you won't. But whatever happens, you will still be wherever you died at." He emphasized each word with a thump of his wrenches. "Now, imagine you fall off a cliff? Or drown in the deep blue sea? Or you starve at the heart of a mile-wide maze?"
Toby shivered.
"There's plenty of shit to stay careful of out here. And let me make it clear," he looked Toby dead in the eye. "Death may be something you shrug off, but pain is still real."
Toby filed that lesson away in permanent ink and in triplicate. He tried to keep his brain from imagining worst case scenarios, but some got through anyway. Like, what if he landed in an inescapable pit of spikes? What if he died in a cave-in? Or fell into a volcano full of flesh-melting molten lava?
He kneaded his tail so hard he bruised it.
"Compared to all that, getting your head knocked off is easy as pie!" Piffle said.
Toby took a steadying breath. "I suppose it would be. But... how in the world did you get away from Dr. Dacryphilia?" he finally asked. He took both of her paws in his, caressing them gently. "I got away from there on pure fear and luck. I hated myself when I realized I'd left you in that horrible place! I thought I'd never see you again! I thought I had no other choice but to get to Anasarca and ask Aldridge to find you and help you."
Junella remembered something. "Waitaminnit! So SHE was that 'other thing' you let slip about back at the junkyard!?"
Toby nodded. "Can you see now why I didn't want to tell you?"
She punched the log. "I wish you had, dammit! We coulda gone to find her if it was so important to you! You honestly thought it was easier to tell The Wizard Of Fucking Oz than us!?"
George looked towards the skunk. "Shame can be an impenetrable wall," he interjected smoothly, and went back to being silent furniture. He now had a much better understanding of his master's emotional state the evening before.
Toby looked at George, then to Junella, and just nodded that the construct was correct.
Piffle leaned in to touch noses with Toby. "But it doesn't matter anymore," she said comfortingly. "I'm out and free, and I'm here right now!"
Toby acknowledged this, and the nose-nuzzle made him blush a little. "But how? That pink gas and those horrible teacup helmets! I pictured you slaving away in there, losing your mind from misery!"
The hamsterfly looked off into the distance, remembering. "It was all a blur at first. I was feelin' without any thinkin'. Like my 'self' just got turned off. But soon enough I was standing in the water, turning those gears, and I could feel tears pouring down my face and I didn't know why. I didn't even remember you. Or me. But time seemed to stretch out all funny. It felt like I was there for years and years. And I came to realize..." She nibbled her bottom lip bashfully. "Dr. Dacryphilia was right."
"What!?" Toby sputtered.
Piffle looked down at her skirt and rubbed her hands over each other. "I'm not saying he's a good guy. Gosh no! But... I was so miserable, and the work was so monotonous, eventually it all became a kind of bliss. Just like he'd said. I was so sad and so hopeless and bored and grummy, it's like I went all the way down until I ended up on the other side." She started to brush her antennae thoughtfully. "I felt so hopeless I didn't want to hope anymore. I realized that this would be my life for the rest of eternity. Every moment the same. Forever. Nothing would ever change and I'd never have to think, ever again. Never make a decision. Never be responsible. And that felt... nice."
Zinc 'hmm'ed. "Sounds like that nirvana thing the Buddhists yak about."
"Maybe?" Piffle said, not familiar with the concept. "Anyway, thinking about it got me all conflicted. But then I realized I was thinking. And then I realized I was me. And that brought back all my memories, including you and seeing you run away. Swell job there, Toby! I'm proud of you!" She suddenly squeezed him, making the mouse fidget cutely. "So then I thought of you all on your lonesome somewhere, not knowing how stuff works here, and I thought, 'Well that's it. I'm leavin' this joint!' And I did!"
Toby blinked. "But the brainwashing helmet?"
"It only made me a little fuzzed-up. I've been in worse spots. It was easy to escape once I had the will to."
Toby felt a lightbulb go off. "...Just like Zinc told me about willpower affecting reality!" He turned to the canine and skunk. "I'm guessing there's some things around here that can only hurt you so long as you believe they can?"
Junella made a kinda-sorta gesture. "Depends. There's places that set up illusions that're harmless, yeah. But anything moving is usually real enough to take a piece outta ya. Some nightmares are stronger than others. Sounds like this doctor's a mid-level creep. It's best to keep away from all of them, or if you can't, then fight back like you never learned the word mercy."
"It can also be hard sometimes to tell what's a nightmare and what's a soul," Zinc said. Then added, in case Toby was unfamiliar with the lingo, "Someone like you or me. A previous tenant of Earth. People can sometimes be a helluva lot more dangerous than a nightmare. Especially depending on their imagination."
Toby had dared to hope it might be as simple as telling the monsters, 'I don't believe in you'. Then, poof. Of course it couldn't be that easy.
Another question occurred. "Piffle, how'd you find me? That basement took me to a completely different city. How'd you know I'd be here?"
"I didn't!" she giggled. "But if you're ever really, really lost in Phobiopolis, just listen to your heart! I thought about you and picked a direction. That's how I normally get around anyway. It might take you the long way, but you'll always get there. You can think of it as the scenic route!"
"That's useful information," he said.
"Places in Phobiopolis have a tendency to be where you think they're going to be," she said, clearly from experience. "That reminds me, when did you get such a cool horsie?" She patted George's spine and he gave an appreciative whinny.
"Luck, basically. Just after I escaped from the basement, actually. I was exhausted and terrified and ashamed and a whole bunch of other awful feelings, so I ran out into the woods. I saw something glowing in the ground and dug it up. Turns out it was alive." Toby suddenly sat bolt upright as he remembered someone else he'd recently had a chance encounter with. "Oh geez! I forgot all about her!"
"Her who?" Junella inquired.
Toby hopped to his feet and headed towards the bushes. "She's... Um. I met her in the mirror-forest-place. We kinda just ran into each other. She said she needed my help. She's right over here."
The skunk frowned deeply. "Are you telling me you've had someone stashed in the bushes this entire time? Listening to us talk? What the fuck flavor of insane are you?"
Toby grimaced. "Look, it's easier to just introduce her and then explain. Could you all please close your eyes for a moment?"
"Hell no!"
"Please, Junella. I was scared at first too. At least look in the other direction for a moment."
"Allright. But if something jumps up and eats us, I'm gonna hold your head under in the digestive juices."
"Fair enough," Toby said. Then he pulled the bushes apart to make a path. "Doll? You can come out now!" He closed his eyes and listened for the sound of her footsteps.
A rustle in the grass as she stood. Then little plastic paws treading on soil. Branches creaked as she pulled her way through into the clearing. She sat down by the campfire so she wouldn't fall backwards when they opened their eyes.
Toby peeked and saw her sitting. "You can look now," he told the others.
The reaction was quite diverse.
"Oh my," said George.
"EEEEEEEEYAAAHHH!!!" Zinc and Junella screamed in stereo.
"She's so CUTE!" exploded Piffle.
Doll, of course, said nothing.
Junella sprung behind the log and had her cutlass out in a flash. She stared into Doll's gaping, gouged-out face and fought back nausea. "WHAT IN SEVEN KINDS OF HELL IS THAT SHIT!?"
Zinc had his wrenches open and crush-ready. He called out, "George! You wanna give me a construct check on that thing!? Preferably pronto?"
The demonic horse looked the tattered toy up and down with his otherworldly sight. "Hmmm. If you are asking if she is a nightmare like myself, then I see nothing of that nature within her. She does seem bound by powerful magicks though."
"She's cursed," Toby defended. "She told me so."
"How does she speak without a friggin' mouth?" Zinc asked.
"She writes it. But she can only move when she's not being looked at."
"Then I'm not gonna blink till that thing's a hundred miles from here," Junella decided. "I'll pin my eyelids open if I have to."
"You're just being mean!" said Piffle. She gleefully scooped Doll into her arms and started fussing with her hair. "Oh you poor thing! You need a good washing-up and your clothes need mending. But I'll fix you up till you're pretty as a rose, yes I will!" She nuzzled where Doll's nose would have approximately been.
Seeing that Piffle didn't immediately get eaten, Zinc's posture eased. Slightly. "I s'pose it's possible. People do get turned into other things all the time here. But just look at her! Jeez!" He shuddered so hard one of his ears popped loose.
One could practically see pink hearts filling the air around Piffle's head. Toby walked over to hold Doll's hand too. "How would we set her free?" he asked anyone who had an answer.
"Not sure," Piffle said. "All sortsa nutty stuff happens to me, and usually I just wait around till I get bored and want to change back."
Junella's brow furrowed. "Assuming there is someone in there, if she can't will herself back, then whatever she's got is extra-strength malicious."
"Not quite our area of expertise. We mostly keep ourselves and our clients away from voodoo like that, not get 'em out," Zinc added.
"I concur with Madam Brox's assessment," George said. "Your small friend either lacks sufficient willpower to unlock her normal self, or she is the victim of strong vexation. Might I examine her for a moment?" Since neither mouse nor hamster were resting upon him anymore, he stood up and stretched his legs.
Piffle held Doll at arms' length towards George.
The horse stretched his neck forward, inhaling deeply. He smelled only junkyard aromas, nothing unexpected. He scanned every visible inch of Doll's body, every fiber of her dress, and every strand of her hair. "I sense nothing indicative of the source of her curse. If I had not heard her moving under her own volition just a moment ago, I would think this was an ordinary child's plaything before me. The only meager clue I spy is an imprinted message on her posterior: 'Copyright MDLXII Psychopomp Toys'. Though I do not believe this to be reliable information, merely another aspect of her enforced appearance."
Toby's ears drooped.
George seemed hesitant to speak his next words. "...Though an idea occurs to me as to how I might free her."
Toby's ears perked up again.
A wince was present in every word George spoke. "How might I ask her permission to try something which may, for only a moment, be quite intensely painful to her?"
"Just ask. She can hear you fine, but you have to be looking away for her to answer. And she needs some way to write it," Toby replied.
George nodded. He indicated to Piffle to set Doll down before him, and scraped a patch of dirt to make it loose. "May I try my experiment, Madam Doll?" he asked. "Everyone, please avert your gazes!"
They all did (reluctantly, in Junella's case, though she figured nothing was stupid enough to try funny business while standing in front of a nightmare incarnate). They all heard the sound of dirt moving.
When the sound stopped, they all looked.
whatEvER it iS tRY it
George bowed. "Thank you, Madam. And let me apologize a thousandfold in advance for what I am about to do."
With that, George suddenly reared up on his hind legs. A teakettle-pitched scream erupted from his throat, directed skywards. Clouds exploded overhead. As George kicked at the air with his front legs, a bolt of lightning split the night and struck him dead center in the forehead. His entire form crackled with energy. All of it he harnessed, directing every jolt into his forehooves.
With a mighty bray, he stomped Doll into the ground with a BOOM that rattled the bones of everyone present.
Piffle held her paws to her mouth in horror. "Gadzooks! Is there anything left of her!?"
George stepped out of the foot-deep smoldering crater he'd just made. "If I succeeded, Madam Piffle, then we will know in just a moment."
Everyone leaned in to see. When the smoke cleared, there was nothing more than a dented, slightly-dirtier Doll lying at the bottom of the hole. Her plastic body unflattened itself to its normal shape with a slight wheezing sound.
"Drat," said George.
At first Toby had been as horrified as Piffle, but then it dawned on him what George's idea had been. "You tried to kill her so she'd reappear back in her original body."
"Precisely, Master Toby," George said. He was deeply concerned and displeased with the result of his experiment. "That blow should have killed anything that was capable of dying. Yet here she remains. This is sorcery I have no knowledge of." Ever-so-gently, he picked Doll up and set her beside the hole. "Again, I must apologize, Madam Doll. I hope the experience was not too traumatic."
George nodded to everyone else and they gave Doll time to write her response:
tHaNK yoU 4 tRYINg
George smiled. "You are very welcome."
Toby picked Doll up and brushed off what dirt he could. "Maybe you could work it out if you ask her some more questions later," he told George. "She can answer as long as you're not looking directly at her. She was riding piggyback most of the time I was walking through the mirror-forest, spelling out what she wanted to say on my shoulder with her finger."
"Awww, what a cute idea," said Piffle.
Junella tucked her sword away and cracked her knuckles, producing a sound like a Dixieland band falling out of a moving truck. She sighed dramatically. "Allright, allright. I can see it already. You're attached to that grody little thing and it's not gonna matter half a damn if I try to convince you to chuck her in the bushes while we still can, then run like hell away from her."
Toby chuckled at the note of resignation in her voice. "That sounds about right."
The skunk looked over at Zinc to see if they were on the same wavelength. He just shrugged. "Dammit. Fine. I guess there's space for her in the trunk. Hopefully we won't have to take her the whole way to the wizard before we find somethin' capable of making her normal again. The sooner she can stop creeping me out, the better."
"She can sit on my lap," Piffle insisted.
Junella's eyes bugged at this sudden, completely un-voted-upon decision for Piffle to join their party. "How many goddam passengers am I carrying!? Do I look like a taxi? Do I have checkers on my ass!?"
The hamsterfly just grinned, hearing no actual refusal in the skunk's voice.
Toby was a bit stunned though. "You're... coming with us? Why?"
She pouted in confusion. "Why? Ain't it obvious? I care about you, Toby."
He felt an uneasy tug at his heart. He didn't know how to react to such open, direct compassion. "I know. And I really appreciate that. But, I would have thought just catching up and seeing I was okay would be enough. It's not that I don't want you to come along, just..." He rubbed his neck. "I don't want to feel like I'm burdening you. You must have things to do in your own life."
She smiled, somewhat sadly, and kicked her foot back and forth. "Actually... when we got snagged by that arachnopus, I was in the middle of running away from home. I'll tell you about it later if you don't mind hearing me babble on 'bout all my silly problems. But, helping you on your journey... It'll take me to far-off, exotic places. And I won't have to do the dishes anymore. And... I'll be helping a friend."
Toby reached out for another hug. Her carapace was a bit poky, even through her dress, but he didn't say a word. Her fur was as soft as a pussy willow. "Thank you," he whispered simply.
Junella let them embrace for a moment longer, until the need to roll her eyes became overwhelming. She put out the fire with a few swift kicks. The hissing flame and cascade of soil caught the duo's attention. "A-hem. If you two wanna make out, do it in the car."
Both Toby and Piffle turned crimson.
"We had a rest, we had a meal, we're all together, so there's no reason we're not moving. Unless we wanna camp here for the night, if we leave ASAP I think we can make it to the inn before lockdown. A bed sounds better to me than a tent."
"I'm in full agreement, babes," Zinc said. He headed for the hood to get something to store the extra Pifflemeat in.
"We can talk more on the road," Toby said to Piffle.
"Okey-doke," she agreed, and tickled him with an antenna as she skipped towards the Fearsleigher.
Junella had produced some kind of compass-like device from seemingly nowhere and was consulting it while looking out across the stars.
Toby coughed to get her attention. He approached meekly, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't be overheard by the others. "Thanks again, for forgiving me. And for letting me add two extra people to the expedition."
The skunk shrugged, barely regarding him. "Ain't nothin'. Might make things more interesting. Piffle seems like she can get herself outta trouble, and Doll won't be talkin' my ear off."
She was playing at nonchalance, but Toby could hear a hint in her voice that this was her amends for her part in their fight earlier. "Thank you regardless. And I'll try my best to be a better passenger."
She gave him the briefest of grins. "Then stay in the backseat and let me drive, puffball," she teased. "And don't forget your hammer. Better'n bare hands."
Toby had nearly forgotten it. He hunted around for a while (he wished Junella hadn't extinguished the campfire), but eventually located it near where he'd been sitting.
He looked over to the Fearsleigher. Zinc was helping George put his harness on, who was already trotting in place in anticipation. Junella took a last look at her navigational instrument, then tucked it away in seemingly empty space. Piffle was having a difficult time climbing the ladder into the back seat while holding onto Doll, so Toby hustled over to steady her.
"Nice seats!" she said as she plopped down inside. "Anyone got a comb?"
Junella popped the glove compartment, rustled around for a second, and tossed an object at her. "It's just Zinc's fur brush. Neither me or him have hairdos to maintain."
Piffle was delighted nonetheless. "A thousand thanks, Madam Brox!" she said, dropping her voice down low like George. Happy as a pixie, she started combing Doll's hair. "Now let's get all these naughty tangles out! You're gonna shimmer and shine just like a magical princess!!"
Junella turned away and muttered under her breath, "This candy cane chick's gonna give me diabetes..." She wished she had a steering wheel to clench in her hands.
Zinc finished tacking up George and vaulted into the passenger seat, making the whole chassis wobble. "Let's scoot, brute!" he called out the window.
"Is everyone ready for departure?" George called back merrily.
"You know where we're going?" Junella made sure to ask.
"Certainly, Madam Brox! Even before my internment, Coryza was a popular port for travelers. I raided it many times, sending fleeing victims scurrying out into the wastelands! My hooves gouging- ...Erm, pardon my reminiscing."
She grunted. "I don't care if you trampled my granny. Let's GO!!"
"With extreme enjoyment!" George replied. He reared up and whinnied for dramatic effect before putting his hooves to the soil. In the blink of an eye, they were sailing over the hills like a shooting star, George's hoofbeats as loud and steady as a freight train's thrum.
~~~*~~~*~~~
END OF BOOK ONE
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